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RABBI ARTHUR SEGAL: JEWISH SPIRITUAL RENEWAL:JEWISH CONVERSION: THE BIG LEBOWSKI
Shalom:
I received the below email with a simple question in it. While 99.99% of me felt I was being made the butt of a joke and having my time wasted, for the 0.01% I answered the question politely . Mishna Pirkie Avot 2:19 tells us : Rabbi Elazar said:" Know what to respond to a heretic.". You never know when you can turn someone's head back around toward God and to Torah.
In a message dated 5/16/2008 6:54:18 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, chrism_3388@yahoo.com writes:
''Can you unconvert me and reject my pidyon haben.''
Dear Chris M:
Judaism is not a bondage religion. If you were converted to Judaism as a baby and your father did the ancient ritual of pidyon ha ben to a Cohen or a rabbi of a coin, and now as an adult, you would prefer to be another religion, there is no de-conversion or an exist ceremony. The same is true if you converted to Judaism as an adult.
Once you convert to the new religion of your choice you will be of that religion.
However that Gates of Repentance are always open, and your conversion to Judaism is always valid. If you decide to return, no oath is required, just begin practicing as Jew again, as Bob Dylan did.
If you decide to leave Judaism and not convert to something else, you will be one of many people who are just non- practicing or non- believing Jews.
However Judaism is not like a vending machine and if you're unhappy with it, there is no one to apply to for getting your father's coin back.
Rather than quoting Talmud, or Torah to you, let me quote you some modern Midrash, from the great Jewish Philosopher, Walter Sobchok, the friend of Jeffery ,[the Dude], Lebowski.
WALTER
I told that fuck down at the league
office-- who's in charge of
scheduling?
DUDE
Walter--
DONNY
Burkhalter.
WALTER
I told that kraut a fucking thousand
times I don't roll on shabbas.
DONNY
It's already posted.
WALTER
WELL THEY CAN FUCKING UN-POST IT!
DUDE
Who gives a shit, Walter? What about
that poor woman? What do we tell--
WALTER
C'mon Dude, eventually she'll get
sick of her little game and, you
know, wander back--
DONNY
How come you don't roll on Saturday,
Walter?
WALTER
I'm shomer shabbas.
DONNY
What's that, Walter?
DUDE
Yeah, and in the meantime what do I
tell Lebowski?
WALTER
Saturday is shabbas. Jewish day of
rest. Means I don't work, I don't
drive a car, I don't fucking ride in
a car, I don't handle money, I don't
turn on the oven, and I sure as shit
don't fucking roll!
DONNY
Sheesh.
DUDE
Walter, how--
WALTER
Shomer shabbas.
WALTER
I'm saying, I see what you're getting
at, Dude, he kept the money, but my
point is, here we are, it's shabbas,
the sabbath, which I'm allowed to
break only if it's a matter of life
and death--
DUDE
Walter, come off it. You're not
even fucking Jewish, you're--
WALTER
What the fuck are you talking about?
DUDE
You're fucking Polish Catholic--
WALTER
What the fuck are you talking about?
I converted when I married Cynthia!
Come on, Dude!
DUDE
Yeah, and you were--
WALTER
You know this!
DUDE
And you were divorced five fucking
years ago.
WALTER
Yeah? What do you think happens
when you get divorced? You turn in
your library card? Get a new driver's
license? Stop being Jewish?
DUDE
This driveway.
AS HE TURNS:
WALTER
I'm as Jewish as fucking Tevye
DUDE
It's just part of your whole sick
Cynthia thing. Taking care of her
fucking dog. Going to her fucking
synagogue. You're living in the
fucking past.
WALTER
Three thousand years of beautiful
tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax--
YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I LIVE IN THE
PAST! I--Jesus. What the hell
happened?
I told that fuck down at the league
office-- who's in charge of
scheduling?
DUDE
Walter--
DONNY
Burkhalter.
WALTER
I told that kraut a fucking thousand
times I don't roll on shabbas.
DONNY
It's already posted.
WALTER
WELL THEY CAN FUCKING UN-POST IT!
DUDE
Who gives a shit, Walter? What about
that poor woman? What do we tell--
WALTER
C'mon Dude, eventually she'll get
sick of her little game and, you
know, wander back--
DONNY
How come you don't roll on Saturday,
Walter?
WALTER
I'm shomer shabbas.
DONNY
What's that, Walter?
DUDE
Yeah, and in the meantime what do I
tell Lebowski?
WALTER
Saturday is shabbas. Jewish day of
rest. Means I don't work, I don't
drive a car, I don't fucking ride in
a car, I don't handle money, I don't
turn on the oven, and I sure as shit
don't fucking roll!
DONNY
Sheesh.
DUDE
Walter, how--
WALTER
Shomer shabbas.
WALTER
I'm saying, I see what you're getting
at, Dude, he kept the money, but my
point is, here we are, it's shabbas,
the sabbath, which I'm allowed to
break only if it's a matter of life
and death--
DUDE
Walter, come off it. You're not
even fucking Jewish, you're--
WALTER
What the fuck are you talking about?
DUDE
You're fucking Polish Catholic--
WALTER
What the fuck are you talking about?
I converted when I married Cynthia!
Come on, Dude!
DUDE
Yeah, and you were--
WALTER
You know this!
DUDE
And you were divorced five fucking
years ago.
WALTER
Yeah? What do you think happens
when you get divorced? You turn in
your library card? Get a new driver's
license? Stop being Jewish?
DUDE
This driveway.
AS HE TURNS:
WALTER
I'm as Jewish as fucking Tevye
DUDE
It's just part of your whole sick
Cynthia thing. Taking care of her
fucking dog. Going to her fucking
synagogue. You're living in the
fucking past.
WALTER
Three thousand years of beautiful
tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax--
YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I LIVE IN THE
PAST! I--Jesus. What the hell
happened?
If you decide to stick with your conversion, like Walter, and have some serious questions about making your Jewish experience a real spiritual and joyous one, please write back. RabbiASegal@aol.com .
Shalom,
Rabbi Arthur Segal
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