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Levy turns to Victor and says, "You see? That's what your wife needs, and she needs it at least three times a week. Do you think you can do that?"
Victor thinks for a moment, then selfishly replies, "Well, I can certainly get her here on Monday and Thursday, doctor, but on Friday I play golf."
"I'm not going to shul today!" he said to Sarah emphatically.
"Yes you are." Sarah replied calmly.
"No I'm not . . . I don't think I really want to ever go again!" Benjamin said with obvious irritation. "The people down there don't like me, they ignore me sometimes . . . they don't appreciate me at all . . . and I won't go back."
"Yes, you will go today, and you will continue", said Sarah with confidence. And, I'll give you two reasons. Number one, you're 45 years old ... and Number two, you're the Rabbi!"
Just at that moment, the waiter puts on his table a whole roasted pig with an apple in its mouth and says, "Your special, sir." Rabbi Landau looks up sheepishly at his congregant and says, "Would you believe it - you order an apple in this restaurant and look how they serve it!"
God said, "Is that so? How do you do such a thing?"
The scientist says, " We take some dirt, get some enzymes, put it in test tubes, and create man."
So scientist begins to bend down and take dirt from ground and God says "No, no, no. You take your OWN dirt."
"Well, I certainly didn't sleep with my wife before I got married." said Rabbi Schwartz, "Did you?"
"I can't be sure," said Rabbi Cohen, "what was her maiden name?"
"Oy veh," says the first cannibal, "I really do hate my mother-in-law."
The second cannibal replies, "Nu? So leave her and just drink the chicken soup and lockshen noodles."
"Well," replies the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and we ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," says Morris. "A non-delusional person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"Actually," says the Director, "A non-delusional person would just pull the plug. So tell me Morris, do you want a room with an East view or a West view?"
CHUMASH CANDESCENCE
PARASHA PINCHAS
NUMBERS 25:10-30:01
RABBI ARTHUR SEGAL
"Pinchas Interruptus"
SYNOPTIC ABSTRACT:
A zealot murders a sinning Jew in the middle of an orgy. God rewards the
zealot with the high priesthood. The Talmudic rabbis struggle to try to
understand this incongruity. At times their conclusions appear to be like
reruns of Star Trek with Trills and souls hopping from one body to
another. The Spiritual and Renewal Judaism believes that all Jews are welcome
regardless of what spoke on the Judaic wheel they find themselves-- as
all spokes are equidistant to God's love. To learn more about this week's
Parasha, please read on.
This week's Parasha continues with the story that was started at the end
of last Shabbat's portion. To review, we learned how the King of Moab,
Balak, hired the sorcerer Balaam, a hit-man for hire, to curse the Jews.
Balaam failed in his mission. In the last few verses of
Parasha Balak (Num. 25:1-9) we read how Balaam, not to be outgunned by
God, convinces Balak to take one last stab at the Jews. They send their
daughters into the Israelite camp. An orgy begins, which includes
worshipping the idol Ba'al Pe'or. The Midrash teaches that this rite
involves defecation in front of this idol and cleaning one's self with
this idol's nose.
God brings a plague onto the Jews. Pinchas, a grandson of the recently
deceased high priest Aaron, follows the Jew Zimri and the Midianitess
Cozbi, into Zimri's tent. (These two "sinners" are not named until
Parasha Pinchas.) The name Cozbi means "voluptuous." Pinchas spears them
in their "stomachs," which the Talmud explains are their genitals, while
they were "belly to belly." The plague stops.
This week's parasha continues the tale. Pinchas is rewarded for his
zealotry by God promising him the high priesthood for himself and
his sons. The Jews are commanded to smite the Midianites.
A new census is taken of the tribes and of the Levites. Moses rules on an
inheritance involving fatherless sisters who have no brothers. Moses
officially picks Joshua to be his successor. More priestly sacrifices are
enumerated including those for Shabbat and our major holidays.
The rabbis of the Talmud had trouble trying to be apologists for
Pinchas's actions. The law in Tractate Sanhedrin is clear. Before someone
is put to death for a crime he is given a trial. There must be two
witnesses. These two witnesses must swear that not only did they see the
crime, but also that they both warned the defendant that what he was
about to do was illegal and punishable by death. They even had to state
which of the four legal means of execution would apply to this particular
crime. If these specific legalities were not done, the judges had to
acquit the defendant.
How did they explain Pinchas's actions as well as his reward? The rabbis
of the Talmud in Tractate Sanhedrin 82A say that Pinchas remembered
learning of a law that Moses heard from God which Moses had not yet
taught the people. This law was, "He who has sexual relations with a
heathen may be attacked by zealous people." This is why Pinchas skewered
Zimri and Cozbi in their genitals while they were having sex. This is why
he left them dead in this position. This would be proof that he had a
God-given right to kill both of them. The Talmud teaches that the Hebrew
word for "spear" is "romach." This word numerically is equal to 248,
which is the number of positive mitzvot in the Torah.
The Talmudic rabbis rule that this law is still in effect but that a
zealot must catch the two in the act of sexual intercourse and cannot
punish the offenders when the act is over. This is called the law of
Pinchas Interruptus. Now many of you are saying to yourselves that you
have never heard of this law. You have not--as I made up the name. This
is because the Talmudic rabbis decreed that if anyone asks about this law
"we should not instruct him" about it or to follow it. This is why they
teach that the Torah never mentions this law. It is part of the oral law,
or Mishna, which they believe also was given to Moses when he was on
Sinai. Unfortunately, either Zimri was not in chedar (Hebrew school) when
this oral law was taught or he chose to ignore it.
The rabbis wanted to know why Moses didn't kill Zimri. They posit that
maybe he forgot about the law that he taught Pinchas. Other rabbis argue
that Moses knew that Zimri did idol worship to Ba'al Pe'or and that he
would come to trial for this and be executed "civilly." Regardless, the
Midrash rabbis realize that Moses erred in allowing Pinchas to kill Zimri
zealously without trial. They wrote, "because Moshe did not kill Zimri,
Moshe's burial place is not known." This is how God punished Moses for
letting a zealot commit murder while on his watch.
The rabbis knew that they had to develop some "wiggle room" on this law.
Keeping it hidden would not work. Therefore, they ruled that a zealot had
the commandment to kill two fornicators caught in the act but that these
lovers could defend themselves and kill the zealot. This would not be
considered murder but rather self-defense. The lovers would be pardoned.
This is because no judgment of a Beth Din (Jewish court) had been decreed
upon them.
But then another rabbi asks, "Who is there that God would
pardon, and yet we should kill him?" The rabbis come to an impasse as the
Torah does state a punishment for sex with a heathen. It is "Karet."
Karet is excision. It is carried out only by God. It means that one day
God will cut the sinner's life short. But the rabbis say this punishment
is for someone who has completed the sex act and did not get caught while
doing it.
The rabbis then posit that forbidden sexual unions must be the gravest of
sins. They state that sexual union involves the whole essence of man
(women are not mentioned). They say this because a child may be born with
great powers. So therefore a Jewish man could transmit his Jewish powers
to a child of a non-Jewish woman, and hence create a non-Jewish powerful
person. The rabbis go on to say that "three partners produce a man: his
mother, his father, and God who give him a soul."
So if one has sex for pleasure in an illicit
union, one is forcing God to watch. God is a jealous God, the rabbis
remind themselves. The Torah says in Numbers 25:11 that Pinchas avenged
God's jealousy with his zealotry. If Balaam in last week's parasha is the
ultimate in evil, Pinchas is the ultimate party-pooper. There are no
times today when kana'ut, zealous religious jealousy, is acceptable in a
pluralistic society.
The Hebrew word for desire with an intense longing for physical pleasure
regardless of its spiritual value is "tiva." Balaam sent the Moabite
women to entice our men. Somehow there was a switch in the Torah, and
they are now called Midianite women. Balaam was a Midianite. But so was
Ziporrah, Moses's wife. The Midrash states that Zimri publicly defied
Moses by having sex with Cozbi, saying to Moses that it was not fair that
Moses could have sex with a Midianite when the rest of the Israelite men
could not. The Talmud in Tractate Sanhedrin 82A says that Zimri was
really Shlumiel ben Tzurishadia the prince of Shimon who offered his
tribe's sacrifices to the Tabernacle (Num.7:36).
Tractate Bava Kama states that the Moabite daughters were forced by Balak
to have sex with the Israelite men, but that the Midianite daughters of
Balaam did so willingly. This is why God ordered that just the Midianites
to be slain and that the Moabite women be spared. Of course we must
recall that Ruth--the maternal founder of the David kingship lineage--was
a Moabitess. If Moses ordered that all of the Moabites be killed, how
would King David and his scion, the Messiah, be born?
The actions of Pinchas lead to him and his children being granted the
priesthood. The rabbis are concerned with this Torah statement as well.
Why? God is contradicting Himself. God said that Aaron's descendants (who
had not yet been born) would carry the Kohan name. Pinchas was already
born. Pinchas was a Levite. He was "only" Aaron's grandson on his
mother's side. Pinchas was originally left out of the Kohanem and spent
39 years as a Levite. He did however study Torah directly from Moses, the
Midrash states. Pinchas was not one of the Levites that rebelled with
Korach. The Talmud says he was content being a Levite. His maternal great
uncle was Nachshon ben Aminadav. The Midrash states that Nachshon was the
first to jump into the Sea of Reeds when Moses gave the command. The
rabbis posit that this situation also was an example of an unwritten law
that Moses already knew.
The rabbis of the Zohar remind us about the sons
of Aaron, who would be in line for the priesthood. They were killed by God for
offering "strange fire." These two sons were named Nadav and Avihu. These
souls jumped into Pinchas body so that he could be a Kohan legally
without God having to change His immutable law. This also allows God to
break His own law by allowing a man who has killed to become a high
priest. Pinchas is no longer Pinchas but really two other men. So this
new law is not a new law but actually a continuation of the old law, the
sages say. We will read of a third example of this later on in this
parasha.
The rabbi known as the Ba'al ha Turim writes that Pinchas also received
another reward. He received Elijah's soul. Traditionally we are taught
that Elijah was not born of flesh and blood parents. The idea of God
being a parent is not a foreign idea to Judaism. His soul came down from
heaven and lived in Pinchas's body. It was Elijah's soul that made
Pinchas into a zealot. Eventually Elijah's soul years later found its way
into Elijah's body. But Elijah never died. His soul went to back to
heaven in a fiery chariot. We invite Elijah, who made Pinchas into a
zealot, into our homes on Passover and also when we perform a Brit Milah
(circumcision). During these occasions we remember Eliyahu HaNavi (Elijah
the Prophet) as the loving helper of Israel. We forget that he too was a
fiery zealot who confronted the evil monarchs of his generation.
There are some striking similarities between the story of the Golden Calf
in Exodus and the worship of Ba'al Pe'or in Numbers. In Ex. 32:06 and
Num. 25:02 the Jews brought offerings to the idol, and they ate. Moses
both times let each man kill his "brother" (fellow tribe member) who
sinned. Both times Moses tried to appease God by calling for some
punishment. Moses was successful in this in Exodus but it was Pinchas who
took action in Numbers and appeased God. This theme of Moses no longer
being a capable leader, which was addressed in Parasha Chukat when he
struck the rock, is continued here. It culminates with Moses naming
Joshua as the new leader in this portion.
A close reading will reveal that Joshua will be a different kind of
leader. He will not be allowed to rely on his own intuition in making
decisions. He will have to be dependent on the priests and their divine
"dice", called the Urim and Thummim, for leadership. This parasha
established firmly a specific grandson of Aaron as the high priest and
sets up the priesthood for a major role in leadership. It also tells of
more offerings to be made, which sets up the priesthood to be wealthy.
This is all done under the backdrop of the story of instant death
without trial by a priestly zealot in the case of one who "misbehaves."
The third new law that Moses teaches has to do with inheritance. The
daughters of Tzelofchad have no brothers and their father is dead.
Regarding the way the Torah law was given originally, their inheritance
would go to their male cousins or uncles. Moses reveals a new law, which
was part of the oral law that he learned from God. This law now becomes
part of the written Torah law. A Midrash states that Moses might have
been a bit overconfident when he told the Israelites to bring all
questions of law to him.
Now, where have we heard this sex and zealot story recently? When the
AIDS pandemic hit did we not hear preachers say that this was a "gay
plague" to punish homosexuals for their "immoral sex acts?" Did our own
government not rush to do HIV research because politically they were
pressured by zealots who stated that this was a Divine punishment? I
guess the zealot preachers felt that if these gay men were in the bath
houses and not at "chedar" it was their tough luck.
The Talmud written by rabbis who were Pharisees had a different agenda
than the obvious pro-priest authors of this Shabbat's portion. They do
not want to see zealots abound especially for political reasons. The Jews
were an occupied people and saw the destruction the Romans heaped upon
them after Bar Kochba's failed rebellion. Tractate Kiddushin 70B states
"if you see a Kohan who is arrogant, be assured that his lineage is
genuine." Hoshea 4:04 writes "your nation is argumentative like a Kohan."
Tractate Bava Batra 160B teaches that "Kohanem are bad-tempered." The
Maharal says that they think that the "fire of holiness" is in them and
their blood "boils." The Talmud records how Kohanem would kill each other
in the Temple courtyard while arguing over who would perform the Temple
services. Certain services yielded better cuts of sacrificed meats.
Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan wrote in his Judaism as a Civilization: Toward a
Reconstruction of American-Jewish Life that "a religion is as much a
progressive unlearning of false ideas concerning God as it is the
learning of the true ideas concerning God." Hadith of Tiridhi said that
"one true scholar of religion is more annoying to Satan than a thousand
of the faithful who perform only their ceremonial duties."
Zealotry did not stop with Pinchas. Until recently Jewish communities could perform
the act of excommunication on those with whom they disagreed. Rabbis in
Israel zealously call immigrants "disease carriers" and "abominations."
They compare liberal Jews to "Amalek and Satan." They pray that our
"memory be wiped out." They pray to God that the head of the liberal
Meretz party be "uprooted from the seed of Israel. Just as revenge was
wrought on Haman, so will it be wrought on him."
Recently Rabbi Yosef of Shas protested the Israeli Supreme Court's
decision of finding Shas political leader Deri guilty of bribe-taking. He
called the justices"goyem" who were "led astray by Satan." Unfortunately,
it appears that both Aryeh Dari and Rabbi Ovadia Yosef forgot about the Torah law
forbidding the taking and giving of bribes. Perhaps they missed this
lesson at their "chedar."
Our rabbis wrote in Pirket Avot (3:21) that if there is no Torah there
is no proper behavior. But they also said that if there is no proper
behavior there is no Torah. Our synagogues and our Jewish communities do
not need zealots acting like Pinchas spearing us with their tongues,
calling us names, and criticizing our actions. This type of behavior only
serves to push one away from Judaism.
Rabbi Lawrence Hoffman in the
summer 2000 edition of Reform Judaism writes that "the needs of the
Jewish community have fundamentally changed" in the past 100 years. At
the turn of the last century our synagogues were like a "general store in
a tiny farming community." By the 1950s our temples were organized as
enterprises. "Dues were exchanged for programs and services." Jews joined
but it occupied only a small corner of the congregants' lives.
Our synagogues in the twenty-first century need to be transformed into
spiritual centers. The last 20 year have shown how society is fragmented
and fragile. People feel alienated from each other. Our temples need to
be places where all are welcome and are welcomed.
Our temples really need to be a place of sanctuary where inner peace and
tranquillity can be found.
This God-centered place needs to teach
people actively how to connect spiritually to God and to each other.
Rabbi Hoffman continues: "A transformed synagogue reveals the profound
mystery of the universe of which we are in integral part, connected to
each other, to the cosmos, to eternity and to God."
The Reform movement has opened its doors to all who seek to enter in
peace and in search of God. Modern temples do not rebuke those who have married out
of the faith. Nor do we call their children anything but Jews. We accept
people on whatever spoke of the Judaic dharma wheel they wish to place
themselves--as every spoke is equidistant to God's love. We will not
allow zealots or chastisers into our midst who speak of knowing what God
wants but act as if they have no clue.
I was positively stuck by Newsweek magazine's July 17, 2000,
edition. After 60 years writer Tom Ross decided to take back his last
name (legally) of Rosenberg. He had attended a Reform temple for years
where he was not harassed for his "mixed marriage" or for his home's
celebration of both Christmas and Hanukkah. For 60 years he denied his
family's heritage and now he is learning to embrace it. His Reform rabbi
even helped him pick out his Hebrew name. Mr. Rosenberg said the
following to his children. "Every time I step into a temple, I'm reminded
that Judaism has survived for 4,000 years. It survived because it is a
positive religion. My parents, (your grandparents), changed their name
out of fear. I'm changing it back out of pride. I chose the name Tikvah
because it means hope." The Hope of Israel, Ha Mickve Israel, rests with
a loving, open compassionate way of being and not with hateful,
exclusive, malevolent bigotry disguised as religious zealotry.
Shabbat Shalom,
RABBI ARTHUR SEGAL
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