RABBI ARTHUR SEGAL:Rab Gershom's Takanot:JEWISH RENEWAL:JEWISH SPIRITUAL RENEWAL
RABBI ARTHUR SEGAL:Rab Gershom's Takanot:GO SIN IN ANOTHER CITY:MOED KATTAN 17A
Shalom:
The Tanach, the Chumash especially, and the Talmud, records humans as we are, with our foibles. It shows sibling rivalry, sometimes leading to death right in the first few pages, and sometimes leading to enslavement. It shows jealousy among wives and parents showing favoritism among children. It shows folks with defects of character, and the Talmud, knowing that some folks just are not going to be able to get rid of such defects, actually tells those to at least go sin in another city where no one knows them. (Talmud Bavli Tractate Moed Kattan 17a).
Talmud Bavli Tractate Ketuboth 72b gives a view of family strife, with the proverbial in-laws and cursing. The sages discuss actions that a wife can do to cause a husband to divorce her, and nullify the agreed amount she was to receive as per her ketubah. In the below example, the wife is turning the children against their paternal grandparents.
"Abba Shaul said: an example of such a situation is also a wife who curses her husband's parents in his presence. Rav Yehudah said in the name of Shmuel: This also includes one who curses his parents in the presence of his children…Rabbah explained: When she is in the presence of her husband's son and says: May a lion eat your grandfather! "
Anything less than a true view of life would not give us the reason to follow the way of life set forth for us in the Torah or Rabbinically in the Talmud. Anything less would not ring true. Isn't it wonderful to know that Moses was short tempered, a murderer, someone who was so obsessed with his work, he forgot to circumcise his own sons, had his own detractors, and was banned from crossing the Jordan! Only God is perfect, and even our Tanach shows Him growing and learning. It only detracts from those who wish to use our texts as documents to show us as a flawed people. Humans have flaws. Jews have no more or no less than others. We just wanted to do something about it to lessen the pain of our flaws and find a way out from them.
While there are certainly ripe Yiddish curses that I learned as a child, I do not think this is part of the teachings of Talmudic Judaism. Even Baalam who was commanded by his king to curse us, was told by God, not to, as we are blessed by God. It is a much better way to live when someone offends us, to pray for them, rather than curse them, as we are truly taught not to hate or hold a grudge, but to love. But one insists :Hindert hayzer zol er hobn, in yeder hoyz a hindert tsimern, in yeder tsimer tsvonsik betn un kadukhes zol im varfn fin eyn bet in der tsveyter...."A hundred houses shall he have, in every house a hundred rooms and in every room twenty beds, and a delirious fever should drive him from bed to bed."
While women had more rights in Talmudic or even Hebraic society than those women living in cultures around them, a man still made the decision on divorce, and no grounds were needed. As long as the man paid the 'going away price' as outlined in the women's ketubah, which she held, there was no contest. For every wife with a foul mouth, there is usually a husband with one as well, if not an closed fist. Things do not happen in a vacuum in families. And a wife cursing a parent or grandparent as a grounds for divorce, shows that there was already enough animus in the relationship to warrant one already. Remember to, that the penalty, in the Torah, for cursing one's parents, is death. Usually when a spouse lashes out at an in-law, the spouse is usually angry at his or her own spouse and just can't express that assertively. Discord in a marriage with taunts and cursing is never good, but however, if its channeled properly, to find out what the true issues are, and those are discussed and worked out, the marriage, in many cases is salvageable.
Is one's curse about one's in-laws worthy of the dissolution of a marriage? Of course not. The rabbis in the Talmud say some of the wildest things, and they all get recorded. ' Ten measures of talk came into the world; women claimed nine, leaving the tenth to the rest of the world.' (Talmud Bavli Tractate Kiddushin 49b.) So the rabbis already 'know or admit' women have loose tongues, then why punish them for it? What is the actual reality vis a vis Jewish divorce?
The patent unfairness in a woman's ability to divorce her husband is right up there in the list of complaints about Judaism. The fact that Judaism 'invented' divorce is not mentioned nor is the fact that Roman Catholic women can never get divorced. Rather than seeing the positive aspects, secularists look only to tear down. There is a flip side to the situation. Only a man may marry a woman. Both the marriage and divorce are contractual agreements specified in the Torah. Both are given as the man's responsibility. Unlike American law where we find a "party of the first part" and a "party of the second part", Jewish law has a one party contractual system. This is true across the board. Both marriage and divorce are business deals, contracted and witnessed. Just as only the man contracts with his wife for her hand in marriage, so too, only the man who made the original contract may undo it. Additionally, a woman has recourse to Bet Din, which can literally force a man to divorce his wife if she so desires.
This recourse was one of the famous Takanot (decrees) of Rabbeinu Gershom. The historical underpinnings of this Takana are fascinating. From the giving of the Torah through the time of Rabbeinu Gershom, a period of 2,300 years, there existed a central authority in Judaism. The power of this authority was all-inclusive. We were often given self-governing powers in other countries. With the weight of Jewish law governing all their actions the Jewish people achieved a level of righteousness unheard of before or since. No man would dream of divorcing his wife against her will. No man would dream of forcing his wife to remain married to him if she desired to leave. When the central authority ceased to exist at the time of the Persian conquest of Babylon and the center of Judaism transferred to Europe the level of righteousness fell off. This phenomenon is noted in the change of the various Responsa of the period. Rabbeinu Gershom seized the moment to promulgate several laws for the sake of Shalom Bayat. Amongst them, he decreed that a man may not divorce his wife against her will...regardless of what kind of tongue she had.
Shalom,
Rabbi Arthur Segal
Hilton Head Island, SC
Bluffton, SC
JEWISH RENEWAL:
JEWISH SPIRITUAL RENEWAL
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