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RABBI ARTHUR SEGAL: JEWISH SPIRITUAL RENEWAL: VIDUI: JEWISH CONFESSION
Vidui: Confession - Going Over Your Chesbon Ha Nefesh Gadol with God and Your Rabbi
Now that you have made your Chesbon ha Nefesh Gadol, you have an exacting moral inventory of your soul. Although you have put it in writing, only you have seen it. What have you learned about yourself? You have probably found that you exhibit some dishonesty and ego. The ego is manifested in your selfish, self-centered and self-seeking behavior. You have seen how your fears have exercised control over your life. You have documented your negative behavior toward people against whom you have harbored grudges and resentment, revealing the power you have given these things over your life. You have recorded your own character defects, called sins by some religions, such as lying, stealing, gossiping or adultery.
So now the question is what to do with this information? You probably want to burn it and never think about it again, but, alas, that card is not in the Jewish Spiritual Renewal deck. This is the part in which you will learn that you must share these secrets! You can probably easily get past part about telling God because, as you know, God already knows. However, telling somebody else, another human being who may just turn out to be your Rabbi, is another story. Ugh!
Two five-year-olds, one Jewish, the other Catholic, are playing in a sandbox. Sean says to David, "Our priest knows more about things than your rabbi!"
To which David replies, "Of course he does. You tell him everything."
Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, said that the purpose of confiding in another human being is to unburden the soul as part of the process of repentance and healing. Modern psychology supports this idea. In this week's class you will learn an easy, time proven method for baring your soul to another.
Admitting your faults to yourself in a solitary self-appraisal is a critical positive step, but alone it is insufficient. If you avoid taking the further step of sharing your chesbon with another person, you feed your ego and fail to learn humility. Understand that humility is not the same thing as humiliation so don't confuse the two. When you reach this point in your Jewish Spiritual Renewal, you should have enough faith and trust in God to have done away with some of your egoism and fear, and gained the humility to move forward. Vidui, confession, is 100% Jewish. It is done at this phase of Renewal, it is done daily and it is done on our deathbeds. Yes, Jewish people do have confessional last rites.
Our tradition is extremely critical of those who embarrass others and likens it to the heinous crime of murder: "The blood rushes to the cheeks of the embarrassed person and then drains leaving a pale white face, not unlike the appearance of a dead person." (Talmud Bavli Tractate Shabbat 58b) To embarrass somebody is considered even more odious than murder, for murder entails finality. A single person, however, can be embarrassed numerous times, in effect killing that person time and again.
The sages also direct attention to those who are embarrassed by their own deeds: "Anyone who commits a sin, and is embarrassed by it, is forgiven for all transgressions." (Talmud Bavli Tractate Berachot 12b) This declaration is rooted in the words of the prophet Ezekiel: ''So that you will remember and be ashamed... when I have forgiven you for all you have done, says the Lord God." (Ezekiel 16:63)
These passages tell us that a feeling of embarrassment or shame before confessing is a good thing. It is human. It is a sign that you want to change you ways.
Q: What is the most common disease transmitted by Jewish Mothers?
A: Guilt.
So now it is time to put any embarrassment you may feel aside and prepare to be completely honest. I guarantee you that when this is done, when you have shared every nook and cranny of your past and you put your pride in your pocket, you will be able to begin a true Spiritual connection, and be at true Shalom.
The person with whom you choose to share you Chesbon need not be your Rabbi, but it does need to be someone you trust to be a God loving person....not to mention one who can keep his mouth shut. If your Rabbi does not fit the bill, call a Rabbi in another town. If you cannot identify a suitable Rabbi, call a priest at a Catholic church, or if you know of any God believing psychiatrists, give them a try. Something you should keep in mind, however, is that most of what you have done in your life has human witnesses. If you can't think of anyone you would trust with this very sensitive task, I will be glad to help you find somebody. Feel free to give me a call or send me an email.
A huge misconception shared by many Jews is that confession of sins is not a "Jewish thing." It is a widely known practice in the Catholic Church and is therefore perceived to be the exclusive purview of Christians. Confession is, in fact, very much a part of Judaism. There are differences from the Christian practice, though. You may have seen a Catholic confession portrayed in a film or television scene in which a parishioner confesses his sins to a priest, who then gives him instructions to do his penance. As Jews, we don't do penance. We don't use Rosary beads either! Note that your Chesbon is about your sins against other humans, but there is also room for sins against God. For example, if you haven't been keeping Shabbat and consider this a sin against God that you wish to change, He will help you make that change. For the harm that you did to others, you will learn how to correct that in a later chapter.
Abe and Shlomo are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says: "CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM AND GET $20."
Abe stops walking and stares at the sign.
Shlomo turns to him and says, "Abe, what's going on?"
"Shlomo," replies Abe, "I'm thinking of doing it."
Shlomo says, "What, are you crazy?"
Abe thinks for a minute and says, "Shlomo, I'm going to do it."
With that, Abe strides purposely into the church and emerges 20 minutes later with his head bowed.
"So," asks Shlomo, "did you get your $20?"
Abe looks up at him and says, "Is that all you people think about?"
Judaism teaches of the need to express admission of sin and the need for continued daily admission of sin (Talmud Bavli Tractate Yoma 86b). Thus, our daily chesbon ha nefesh katon is needed. Communal prayers of group sin at Yom Kippur services do not include individual Chesbons, which is why you leave the Synagogue as defective and resentful as you were before the service. Judaism also does not believe in what today is known as "witnessing," that is, publicly announcing your sins to the world, and then announcing that you no longer have those sins. For one thing, speaking negatively about yourself is as much a sin as is speaking negatively about others. Also, such brazenness feeds the ego, which, as you have already learned, will eventually lead you to further sin, and is why people end up saying, "All this God stuff is bull feathers!" (Talmud Tractate Bavli Sotah 7b). We see this all the time with movie stars who are arrested for cocaine possession, then get off with community service and 30 days in rehab (whereas the rest of us would spend time carving tally marks on a cell wall). Then, at the direction of a publicist, the wretched soul emerges from rehab claiming to have "found God," and brags about it on the talk show circuit for three weeks before being arrested again with vials of crack in his pocket.
Following this daily approach to confession, toward the end of the silent Amidah at each service, we turn to God with the words, "Behold I am before You as a vessel filled with shame and disgrace." We immediately continue with a request, "May it be Your will, Lord, my God and the God of my forebears, that I shall sin no more; and the sins which I have committed before You, erase them in Your abounding mercies, though not through suffering and severe illness."
The source of this prayer is a personal supplication that the Babylonian sage Rava would add to his daily prayers. Another sage, Rav Hamnuna Zuti, would recite this prayer as part of his confessional prayers (Talmud Bavli Tractate Berachot 17a). One should repent daily, because it may be one's last day, the sages tell us in Talmud Bavli Tractate Shabbat 153a. Judaism understands that humans are not perfect, as God did not create us to be saints. The Rabbis teach that God created Teshuvah (Repentance or Spiritual Renewal) even before creating the Universe (Talmud Bavli Tractates Pesachim 54a and Nedarim 39b) because He knew that Man would possess character defects. So He gave us a built-in "fix," a way to amend for our sins and grow from them.
"Listen to me, Mr. Levy," said the Rabbi. "If you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you will have to stop taking your troubling defects to bed with you."
"I know," said Mr. Levy, "But my wife refuses to sleep alone."
God is waiting with open arms for us to confess to Him. He is all forgiving. God's "hand" is outstretched to those who want to repent (Talmud Bavli Tractate Pesachim 119a) and He is always waiting for even the most wicked to return (Talmud Bavli Tractate Shabbat 104a).
I can assure you that no matter how low you think you have sunk, God, Rabbis, priests, ministers and psychiatrists, have heard it all before. One of the elements of becoming spiritual is losing what we call "terminal uniqueness." Everyone, those who have lived their lives with God as well as those who have not, have sins to confess, Proverbs tells us.
Abe walks into the local tavern and sees his friend Moishe sitting at the bar. Putting his hand to his heart he yells, "Oy vey, Moishe! I'm so sorry to hear about your shop burning down."
Moishe spins around quickly and whispers, "Shhhh..... it's tomorrow!!!"
In the next chapter, you will learn how to ask God to help you rid yourself of your defects.
Every day, a religious Jew was seen praying in front of the Wailing Wall. One day, a non-observant Israeli walked up to him and said, "I see you here every day, seven days a week. Tell me, what are you praying to God for?"
To this, the man replied, "I am telling God of my tsuris (troubles), of my financial problems, my defects, my sins, about my daughter who can't find a husband, and asking him to help me."
"Well," the secular Jew asked, "Does He send you help?"
The man turned to him and said, "No, but what do you expect? It's like talking to a wall."
Our goal is to get you better results.
Have a great week!!
Shalom,
Rabbi Arthur Segal
Hebrew College, Newton Centre, MA, USA
via Shamash Org on-line class service
HILTON HEAD ISLAND, SC
BLUFFTON, SC
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