Talmudic Discourse:"Honor your father and mother..."

Shalom: 

 

This a short Talmudic D'var in honor of my Mother, Blanche Segal, who is 82, today on January 29, 2008. May it be your will, oh L-rd our G!D, that  Bluma bat Israel live to be 120 years, in health, and continuing to devote her life to mitzvoth, as our Matriarchs Sarah, Rebekah, Rachael and Leah did.

 

We are all familiar with the Fifth utterance from the Ten Utterances (Aseret haDibrot)  , also known  as the Fifth commandment of : "Honor your father and mother in order that your days will be lengthened on the land that Adoshem your G!d  is giving you." (Ex: 20:12). The Talmud Tractate Kiddushin 30b-31a makes it clear that when someone honors his parents, G!d considers it as if that person has honored Him. If not G!D says :"I did well not to dwell among them, because they would have tormented Me as well."  Since Judaism is a way of life taught not just in synagogues, but at the knees of our parents, respect for one's parents marks the keystone of  the arch of our traditions and knowledge, going back from the generations from Abraham to Moses until the present.

 

There too is an oft forgotten, not oft quoted second, mitzvah in our Torah regarding our parents: "Your mother and father you shall fear." (Lev. 19:3) .

 

Note how when the Torah commands us to honor our parents it mentions our mothers second, but when it commands us to fear them, it mentions our mothers first. The Talmudic Rabbis explain that this means that honor and fear for one's parents should be equal, because it is natural for a child to fear the father more, and respect his mother more. The sages go even further to state that the mitzvah of 'Thou shalt not murder," follows the commandment to honor one's parents, because when one does not, one  has committed murder in G!D's eyes.

 

The Talmud equally talks of parental duties. Tractate Bavli Bava Batra 21a records that Rabbi Joshua ben Gamla established a system of  compulsory education for children well over a 1000 years before those in Europe even began to discuss it. 3500 years of raising Jewish children has produced a "definitive philosophy of parenting which has so eluded modern science." Unfortunately, assimilation, has many of our children, being raised as the rest of the world's, with the same sad results.

The Talmud teaches: "The right hand draws the child close; the left hand pushes away." The Rabbis are saying that the right hand symbolizes kindness matched with strength ; the left  hand represents strict judgment that comes with weakness.  We are taught that the true root of parenting is support and love; punishment is to be used rarely.

 

The phrase from Proverbs 13:24: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son,'' which gets mistranslated into 'spare the rod, and spoil the child" is explained in the Talmud. Parents who are kind and loving, and who teach Torah, will find that discipline need not be harsh to effective. If corporal punishment is needed, the Talmud specifically tells us NOT to use a rod, but  a 'shoe lace." (Tractate Bava Batra 21a).

 

The Talmud records how the  Elder Rabbi Eliezer  was asked by his Talmudim, "How far should one go in honoring his father and mother?"

 

He replied, "Go and see what Dama ben Nesina of Ashkelon did.  When his mother, who was feebleminded, hit him with her sandal in the presence of the entire court over which he presided, he only said to her, 'Enough, mother.'  Moreover, when her sandal, with which she was hitting him, fell from her hand, he picked it up and handed it back to her, so that she would not get upset." (Tractate Peah 1:1). Dama was a non- Jewish mayor and army commander.

 

Once Dama was with Roman noblemen, and he was dressed in his silk finest. His mother came into the room, and tore off his clothes, hit him on the head, and spit on him. Dama did nothing to his mother. (Tractate Kiddushin 31a).

 

The Talmud tells of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai.  He stated "G!d made honoring parents even greater than honoring G!d.  For concerning honoring G!d it says, 'Honor G!d with your substance.'   If you have means you have to give to charity and if you don't have the means you don't have to give.  But when it comes to honoring parents, even if you have very little yourself and even if you have to go begging you still have to honor them and help them." (Talmud Yerushalmi Tractate Kiddushin 1:7)

 

Talmud Bavli Tractate Kiddushin 31b tells us about Rabbi Tarfon and his mother. He would get on his hands and feet, and allow her to use his back as a footstool to climb in and out of her bed.   Rabbi Tarfon's mother went for a walk on Shabbat, tore her sandal, because it was Shabbat, it couldn't be fixed.  Rabbi Tarfon put his hands under the soles of her feet and she walked home on his hands. Yet his fellow rabbis did not think this was going as far as the commandment suggests."Did she ever take all your money and throw it into the sea, and you not chastise and shame her? If this would happen, then you truly would show you honor your mother and father."

 

Rabbi Yosef, another Talmudic teacher, when he would hear his mother's footsteps, would say, "I must rise for the presence of the Shechina which is approaching." (Tractate Kiddushin 31b Bavli) .

 

Everything I am today and have today I owe to G!d and my parents. My parents and G!d were and still are partners in the continual creation and edification  of me.  Thus, honoring  my parents, specifically my mother, on the simcha of her birthday, and G!d willing every day, is honoring G!d.

 

May it be Your will, Adoshem, our G!D and G!D of our patriarchs and matriarchs, that I, My parents, my sister, my beloved wife, be granted strength and health so that we may be able to serve you truthfully  and joyfully. Inspire me to listen and obey my parents, and honor them constantly, as it is Your will for me. Amen.

 

Shalom,

Rabbi Arthur Segal

  

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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