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TALMUD BAVLI TRACTATE DEREK
ERETZ ZUTA.
CHAPTER I.
1. The qualities of the sages are: Modesty, meekness, eagerness, courage, bearing wrongs done to them,and being endeared to every one; submission to the members of their household, fear of sin, and judging every one according to his deeds.
In our last classes, we discussed Modesty , Humility, Meekness, Eagerness , Courage and Bearing Wrongs Done To Us and Being Endeared to Every One. Today I invite you to explore with me the middah, trait, of submission to the members of their household.
At first glance this quality of the sages seems to be absurd, especially to those of us with teenage children. But let us look how the sages deal with this middah, trait. The Talmud teaches that: "Whoever acquires a servant, it is as if he has acquired a master!" They go on to state that if the master has a pillow and the servant does not, the master must give the servant his pillow. The rabbis argue this in the Gemorah and conclude that a person with derek eretz, could not sleep well, with a pillow, knowing his servant was not sleeping well, with no pillow. Hence, by giving his pillow to the servant, both master and his servant sleep well. (Talmud Bavli Tractate Kiddushin 20a).
What we are discussing is the middah of selflessness. We are talking about putting the needs of others before our own puny wants and desires. It means truly understanding that our needs are always taken care of by God, and that we can put our needs aside to cater to our spouse, our children, and those working for us.
In fact Rabbi Israel Salanter, the father of the Mussar movement, discusses ''killing one's self'' in order to obtain the knowledge in Torah. What he is discussing is working on ego deflation. Ego, as I have written many times, Edges God Out and separates us from the Divine and our fellows.
So submission to the members of our household means that we are being , humble, or compliant, lowering our needs to making others needs more important than ours. This brings about shalom bayit , peace in the house. And our rabbis teach that if our house is not peaceful, we will have a difficult time ourselves being peaceful and productive in our work places, or in friendships. After all, is sacrificing peace in the house, worth fighting over what movie to go out and see, or what restaurant to eat in? In fact to promote peace in the home is one of the very very few times that we can ''white lie.''
"He who loves his wife as himself, but honors her more than himself, is reassured that his home is based on underpinnings of peace (Talmud Bavli Tractate Yevamoth 62)." "Parental love should be impartial, one child must not be preferred to the other." [Talmud Bavli Tractate Shabbat 10b]. ''It is a father's duty not only to provide for his minor children, but also to take care of their instruction, and to teach his son a trade and whatever is necessary for his future welfare." [Talmud Bavli Tractate Kiddushin 29a]
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