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Rabbi Arthur Segal’s love of people, humanity, and Judaism has him sharing with others “The Wisdom of the Ages” that has been passed on to him. His writings for modern Jews offer Spiritual, Ethical, and eco-Judaic lessons in plain English and with relevance to contemporary lifestyles. He is the author of countless articles, editorials, letters, and blog posts, and he has recently published two books:

The Handbook to Jewish Spiritual Renewal: A Path of Transformation for the Modern Jew

and

A Spiritual and Ethical Compendium to the Torah and Talmud

You can learn more about these books at:

www.JewishSpiritualRenewal.org
ALL ENTRIES ARE (C) AND PUBLISHED BY RABBI ARTHUR SEGAL JEWISH SPIRITUAL RENEWAL, INC, AND NOT BY ANY INDIVIDUAL EMPLOYEE OF SAID CORPORATION. THIS APPLIES TO 3 OTHER BLOGS (CHUMASH, ECO, SPIRITUALITY) AND WEB SITES PUBLISHED BY SAID CORPORATION.
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Thursday, January 30, 2014

RABBI ARTHUR SEGAL: JEWISH SPIRITUAL RENEWAL: MOUSEHOLE IS THE THIEF, NOT MOUSE

RABBI ARTHUR SEGAL: JEWISH SPIRITUAL RENEWAL:
MOUSE HOLE IS THE THIEF, NOT THE MOUSE
 
 
There is a Talmudic principle, "The mouse is
 
not the thief – the hole is the thief!" (Gittin
 
45a). If a mouse steals cheese, why only
 
blame the mouse? Why not also blame the
 
hole in which the mouse is hiding? Likewise,
 
if a person commits a wrong, why only
 
blame the person concerned and not also the
 
 circumstances that made it possible for
 
them to sin?

The Talmud does not ascribe a minor, accessory role to the protective mouse hole, but the primary role. It is the hole that gives the mouse refuge that is regarded as the culprit, rather than the mouse.

Another Talmudic statement is, "Whoever exercises mercy where strictness is required, will eventually be cruel where kindness is required" (Kohelet Rabbah 7:33). These two statements encompass virtually everything that has been written about the "enabling" phenomenon.

Temporary Relief

What is "enabling?" "Enabling" refers to the behavior of people in close contact with a person who is acting destructively toward himself and/or others. The concept was initially developed in regard to alcoholism, but is applicable not only to other addictions, but to many other types of destructive behavior.

To engage in destructive behavior is clearly illogical, and is contrary to the innate instinct of self-survival. Such behavior occurs only when it provides some pleasurable sensation or experience, as can be seen in the case of the alcoholic, whose drinking temporarily assuages tension or relieves a compulsive urge. This temporary sensation of relief encourages repetitive drinking.

Let us follow the pattern of the alcoholic as an example to illustrate the phenomenon of "enabling." Excessive use of alcohol invariably results in unpleasant consequences including physical distress, loss of mental acuity, absenteeism, impaired work performance, aggression, anti-social behavior and frank violation of the law. These consequences can result in so much distress that the drinker may conclude that the pleasurable effects of the drinking are just not worth it. When the misery resulting from the drinking exceeds the pleasure it provides, the drinking may stop, or the person may seek help to stop drinking.

It follows that anyone who in any way relieves the alcoholic of the unpleasant consequences of his drinking is eliminating the only thing that could cause him to stop. The one who tries to be benevolent by "helping" the drinker is inadvertently, but very effectively, promoting continuation of the drinking.

We have used alcoholism as an example, but the same is true of the compulsive overeater, the compulsive gambler, the drug-dependent person, and even other types of destructive behaviors which are not addictive, such as shoplifting.

The Cover-Up

"Enabling" can also refer to doing things for others which they should be doing for themselves, because this can result in the development of unhealthy dependencies. "Enabling" can apply to parents who cover up for their children's dereliction and blame others for things that are really the child's responsibility. For example, teachers may be maligned when the parents project the child's poor school performance on the teacher rather than onto the child's lack of diligence.

When this is the case, the parents are fostering an attitude of finding fault in others for one's own dereliction, and this trait may persist well through adult life.

Compulsive overeaters may swear that they eat sparsely, and family members may believe them and share in attributing the undesirable weight gain to some glandular problem that medical science has not yet discovered. This, too, is enabling.

In the Talmudic statement, the "mouse hole," the enabler, does not commit the act of stealing and is not the cause of the act, any more than oxygen is the cause of fire, which was ignited by a spark. However, in the absence of oxygen, the fire will not burn. Indeed, to extinguish a flame, one does not go after the match that was its cause, but rather douses it with water to prevent oxygen from reaching it. Effective treatment of destructive behavior requires elimination of the "oxygen," i.e., whatever is enabling it.

Thank you for joining me.
 
Shalom uvracha,
RABBI DR ARTHUR SEGAL 
www.RabbiArthurSegal.blogspot.com 
Jewish Spiritual Renewal
Jewish Renewal
Jewish Spirituality
Hilton Head Island, SC; Bluffton, SC; Savannah, GA
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